Let's talk about sex, baby

Actually, let's not just talk about it. Let's watch it, gossip about it, laugh about it, and be seventh graders about it. Not even an even an Amherst degree can keep me from chuckling whenever I hear the word "nuts." What can I say? It's funny. It's TABOO!!! (speaking of which, I'm dying to play that game with someone right now, here in Korea).

But that's just the thing. Sex is so taboo and yet in the US it is EVERYWHERE. And what better place to get your night full of innuendos than the good ole television. When people slam doors and cry tears and point fingers at the opposite sex, it's because he or she slept with someone, gave an STD to someone, or *gasp* got someone pregnant!!! These tried and true plot mechanisms are so cliche and yet we tune in season after season, show after show to see who's sleeping with who and who's daddy is the actual baby's daddy. When people in Korean television shows slam doors and cry tears, it's because of....something else. Lies, perhaps. Or maybe even *gasp* bribery! Like I said...it's something else; my Korean's not so good, but trust you me, it's not because of any sexual misadventures.

Come on, Korea! We need you to broadcast things on weekly dramas that create a sense of escape, a detachment from reality. What are the chances that you'll be in a group of some of the most prominent surgeons in the world who sleep with each other, give STDs to each other, AAAAND coin nicknames starting with "Mc." It's just not fair! But it isn't real life. This is TV. Korean TV is not TV. It is what we see everyday with our parents and dare we say it, our grandparents. No more tears please, unless you've just hooked up with your best friend who's had a crush on you for ages and has now moved onto a sexy ethnically ambiguous vixen.

I know this is very immature of me and I'm sure some of you are going to roll your eyes and remind of how much a prude I really am. But sexual innuendos ARE FUNNY! And I can't say a single one in Korean! I walk by a clothing store on my way to the gym called "le coq sportif" and yes, you got it, I give a little chuckle every time I walk by. Sexual innuendos are my cigarettes; they're my "harmless" (as some of you may call it) way of being bad. And they don't cost a thing...except for perhaps a bit of my dignity. And I am not about to start smoking.

* Getting ready to tear up Hongdae with my dear friends from Hoyah Academy this Friday. Felix cumpleanos, querido Hae Jin!

I am not from mars

It's an odd thing to meet up with relatives that you've never seen before. Relatives that you didn't even know existed. And then you open the door to your grandmother's house and you see her and her daughter or daughters or sons; two or three or four more people to add to your family tree. I never thought it would be strange to meet someone that you're related to, someone who shares some small part of your genetic make-up, from a different country. But evidently, these people think I've just stepped off a spaceship from some far away land absent of any trace of ANYTHING Korean.

"Do you ever use metal chopsticks in the US?"
"Do you have Korean melons in the US?"
"Do you have rice cakes in the US?"

Or these remarks of absolute foreignness take the form of these:

"Wow, you eat kimchi so well!"
"Oh my goodness! You know how to wrap your meat with lettuce!"

Note to relatives, seen and never-before-seen: I just crossed an ocean to get here; not an entire galaxy. Also, both of my parents are indeed Korean and have not completely shed their Korean ways. Just because we have Taco Tuesdays and occasionally spaghetti on Thursdays, does NOT mean there are no more days left in the week for Korean food.

In other news, I made my first trip out to Dongdaemun and my head literally exploded from having seen too many clothes. A future blog is in store for the next time I go to Dongdaemun alone to actually buy stuff.

I thought I could read Korean...

But it seems I can't really understand it too well. For some reason, I accidentally erased the blog post that I'd typed in a couple days ago. It was pretty darn good, to0, so I apologize, everyone. I don't know...I clicked something and then proceeded to click "yes" until "poof!" My blog turned from 4 posts to 3. So for lack of time and for fear of losing yet another blog post, here are some recent musings and observations:

1) Men get PERMS! One of my students admitted to having his hair permed regularly (so that's how their hair stays curly!).

2) Europeans in Korean clubs still smell like Europeans in any other club.

3) I kind of need my own apartment...or atleast a little nook to call my own and have "me" time.

4) One of my students called my hair "mohican-style."

5) California WOW is...wow-inducing in both good and bad ways.

6) My legs are REALLY hairy; Colin where are you when I need you most!

7) I need a cheeseburger.

8) Soju is definitely better straight up.

Once I buy a camera cord, you all will be able to see my adventures thus far (not much, don't worry). Your postcards are in transit...to being in transit. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen.

And then she laughed in my face

I suppose it was about time. Ever since I've stepped foot on the streets of Seoul, I must confess that I too have been snickering to myself. Snickering at the ways of these people across the great Pacific, their hair, their makeup, their inability to pronounce the letter "f." It's quite satisfying to walk around knowing that I possess the linguistic skills that they would all kill for! Oh to covet the ways of the American!!!!

And then it happened. I know my Korean isn't great. But I didn't realize it was THAT bad. My relatives have been fairly patient with me even though I literally make up words and sprinkle every sentence with "ummm" and "errr" and sideways glances. But to think that a complete stranger would laugh (mouth covered of course) in my face! I had merely gone to a nearby gym--not California WOW, of which I will soon be a patron--to ask if they had spinning. And when the receptionist looked back at me in complete confusion, I proceeded to explain what spinning was in Korean, in what I thought was fairly coherent and grammatically correct Korean. The look of utter confusion explodes into full blown, hand-covered laughter as she tells me she can't understand what I'm saying because of my American accent.

How am I supposed to talk to anyone in Korean ever again? This woman at Amazon Fitness has created in me another reason to be self-conscious. Isn't it bad enough that my hairy legs have already been gasped at and that I don't have the cool/yucky haircut???

I'll just have to take my American-sensibilities to California WOW...where I will proceed to spin my troubles away.

Your postcards will be in transit shortly. I apologize for the delay, my friends.

A series of unfortunate events

Ok, first I must say that everything on this site is in Korean and only through an arduous trial and error process have I made it here to update. I'm such a pathetic Korean...don't even know my own language. So yes, I've arrived and am now sitting in an internet cafe typing to my heart's content. And while I realize how blessed I am to be sitting here in another country with a job, there have been some not-so-great moments that I must now elaborate...

1) Only ONE hot towel on the plane. What gives Korean Air??

2) After taking an Advil PM (NOT dramamine as I had mentioned earlier--my bad), I proceeded to fall asleep ONLY to wake up but a mere 2 hours later. 2 HOURS!!! And on top of that, I woke up in the middle of Failure to Launch. Now I'm never going to know what happened to Sarah and Matthew in the first of that dreadful movie.

3) The sky here is GRAY!!!! And the air is really awful. I miss Amherst and its beautiful blue sky.

4) Staying with my grandma has been a little more difficult than I had expected. It's great that she wants to see me and take care of me, but today when explaining to another one of my relatives why I couldn't come visit, she flat out lied about my whereabouts to make it seem like I was to blame for not being to visit. Way to be, Grandma.

5) My breath really stinks. Now I know why Asian girls cover their mouths when they laugh. Why does Korean food have to be so spicy and smelly? I need some curiously strong mints, NOW!

No more complaining. I miss Texas and Amherst and Ultimate DPs and Valentine breakfast food. (that doesn't count as complaining does it?) And can someone tell me how to put pictures up here?