Tuesday, August 15, 2006

From heat to beat

In a high-paced city like Seoul, my mood can go from one extreme to another in a matter of minutes. It's funny how life can be like that sometimes; one second you're on cloud nine and in another you're eating dirt. The one thing that really does it for me is heat. Standing in a subway station with absolutely no fans or a/c makes me want to poke an eye out or even jump in front of an oncoming subway train. There's just something so awful about standing in place letting the sweat trickle down your neck and back as it sticks to your clothes.

Despite my heat spell in the Hongdae subway station yesterday, I contemplated what a great day I had actually had. Sweat stains and all, I had learned to water ski in the morning/afternoon, gone shopping in Hongdae, and spent time with some of my favorite Hoyah teachers. The picture perfect Korean Independence Day.

As you could have guessed, here's where my faced gets shoved into the dirt. HARD.

As I preparedto turn the last corner up towards the last escalator to the subway station exit, a man came up to face and looked me hard in the eyes. This man was either under the influence of some chemical substance or checking me out not so inconspicuously. As we got closer to each other, he grabs my bag and asks me, "You know who I am? Don't you know what you've done? Come with me!" Being the silly materialistic that I am, the first thought that races through my mind is "Holy shit, my ipod, wallet and recently purchased star-patterned neck tie are all in this bag!" But I held to my bag and simply told him I didn't know who he was nor did I know what I "had done." The man simply sneered at me and insisted that I come out of the subway station with him. If Oprah has taught me anything, it's that you never let the aggressor take you to that second location. I have seen several episodes where people have presented their own testimonials on this survival fact. You do NOT let him/her take you to the second location!

I quickly turned around as he continued to hold onto my bag and dragged him towards the top of the escalator I had just come up from. I figured, if I block this escalator, people who had to use this escalator would surely put an end to this nonsense. Instead, the man continued to yell some uncomprehensible words (due to my limited Korean and state of panic) and held on to my bag as he threw his fist back in preparation to fight. As he did this, the people around seemed to pay no attention to my terrified eyes and merely slipped beside onto the escalator, without even a raised eyebrow. Hello??? I'm about to get punched in the face by a stranger!! And then the man got out his cell phone and told whoever was outside the station to come down because he "had found the person."

At this moment, my own worst fears, fueled by my grandmother's very first piece of advice about Korean "gangsters," began to materialize in my overwrought imagination. I could picture it now. His entire gang would come down the stairs and beat me to a pulp while the main aggressor took my bag away, ipod and all. I did have limited knowledge of taekwondo but that would have only come in handy if this man's face was a 2-inch thick wooden block. Perhaps I could try to get him to punch, dodge his punch, and then pull out a judo chop on the back of his neck. Or I could just stand at the top of the escalator and continue to convince him that I had never seen him or done anything. He continued to ask me, "If you didn't do anything, then why are you trying to run away? Come out of the station!" Hey, you big fuck. Asking me that kind of rhetorical question is the universal question to get some idiot to actually follow you. Obviously my imagination has been tainted by the harsh cynicism and crime-ridden plot lines of American tv. I knew right then and there that I would be the topic of some night-time Korean news program: "Korean American in pink polo found beaten to a pulp inside Sangdo station. " Let those bitches at CSI figure THAT one out.

I finally heard the pounding footsteps of someone coming from far away to catch this "person" who had done "something," and instead of being a troupe of Korean bandits, it was a young woman in heels shouting at her boyfriend, "He's not the one!!! It's not him!!!!" The man continued to hold my bag and shout at me until the girlfriend came up to him and pleaded with him that I "wasn't him." The woman apologized profusely for the mistake and the man simply let go of my bag and told me to go away.

Hold the FUCK up. JUST...HOLD...UP! Not even an apology??? Ofcourse I was far too shocked to ask for one, so I simply walked away, ashamed of this man, ashamed of the people who did nothing to help me, and ashamed of myself. If there's anything I got out of this, it's this:

1) Korean men suck.

2) I am an utter wuss. Not only was I unable to stand up for myself, but I completely lost control of my senses in the face of this ridiculous man.

3) Maybe I'm not quite so ready to be in the real world by myself. I, who for so long have longed to just be on my own and brave the harsh realities of life, can't do it. Not just yet. I need to go home. And have the comfort of my family. And know that there are always friends to back me up just in case a random man threatens to kill me. I'm only 21--almost 22. Just give me a break. I'll be ready for life...later.

5 comments:

Jules said...

TO PAUL: first of all, loved the blog. I felt like I was right there with you. I totally agree, life here goes from magical and wonderful to fucking SHIT. And, if I was there during the attempted assault, I would have hard core danced up on his ass and high kicked him in the face! Isn't that odd no one in the subway really noticed or cared? They just walk around you and go on with their way. Assholes. You're not a wuss. You're the best. I'm gonna miss you, but not too much because I have your blog. :)

cheryl said...

my dear paulo, how the hell do you walk by me and not tell me all the gory details. you had me on the edge of my seat for a good 5 minutes. it was better than a vegas OR miami csi show. holla. korean csi would never have figured it out. well, i'm glad you're safe, and...
1. korean men DO suck. i don't really consider you a typical korean man.
2. you can't call yourself a wuss. those situations always present themselves in the most unlikeliest of times, but they don't necessarily determine your character. should the event have escalated to the point of fight or flight, i think you would have fought. with or without a wooden block. all for the love of an ipod. my ass would fight tooth and nail for george II. no one's taking george away from me.
3. don't despair. who's ready for the real world? you never really are, honey. you just do it. and you are doing it.

it was fun shopping with you, paul! see you in 25 minutes. haha. i think this comment will qualify as a post for me.

priyanka said...

dear paul,
i was really nervous as i was reading that post. since i tend to freak out if a stranger in a city says ANYTHING to me, or does anything remotely unusual, i have to say that you are not a wuss and that that story sounded terrifying. i am glad that Oprah taught you not to go to the SECOND LOCATION. also being accosted in a foreign country in a language that is not your best is even scarier.
i too am ready to go home, and very ready to go back to amherst. speaking of which, WHEN WILL YOU BE THERE? i am counting the days!
:p

Champagne Socialist said...

Man oh man Paul. This post definitely beats CSI. I'm SO relieved that you still have your life, dignity, ipod, etc. after such a bizarre afternoon. You are definitely not a wuss: Wusses don't go to Korea alone.

Champagne Socialist said...

and something else: the real world doesn't have to mean being alone. In the real world, people help each other out and have families and need company. You've lived in the real world for, as you said, almost 22 years.