It's not me; it's you

Massachusetts. New York. There's really not that much of a difference, right? Both in the Northeast. Both have gorgeous falls and brutal winters. Just a three hour drive from Amherst, MA to New York, NY; in Texas, that'll cover the diameter of a single metroplex. But for some reason, whenever my grandmother asks me for the name of my college that's "somewhere in New York," I become outraged. The conversation always goes a little like this:

Grandmother (in Korean): Can you write down the name of your school for me? All I can remember is that it's in New York.

Me: My school's not in New York.

Grandmother: It's not? Where is it?

Me: Massachusetts.

Grandmother: Mass....what?

Me: Massachusetts.

Grandmother:....

Me: The same state that Harvard is in.

Grandmother:...

Me: 3 hours north of New York.

Grandmother: (smiles)

And with that smile, I know that I've lost. That smile is her way of telling me, "No, I refuse to understand what is coming out of your mouth. Look how satisfied I am with knowing that your school is in New York."

Wait a minute. Shouldn't I be the one in this country that's not supposed to know what's going on or what this and that word means? And shouldn't I be the one sending these uncompromising pleasant smiles to people to let them know that as a foreigner, "I refuse to understand!" Mind you, I've had this conversation with my grandmother more than 5 times.

So today I set out to end this once and for all, for my own sake, for my grandmother's sake and for my alma mater's sake. And so for the 6th, 7th, xth time...

Grandmother: Can you write down the name of your school for me again? I keep forgetting it and all I remember is that it's in New York.

Me: Grandmother, my school is not in New York. (notice the emphasis on "not")

Grandmother: Really? Then where is it?

Me: (here it goes) Massachusetts.

Grandmother: Can you write that down for me?

Me: (writes down) See. Mass-a-chu-setts.

Grandmother: Is this in New York?

Me: No. It's 3 hours north of New York. Did my mother tell you my school was in New York? Because she's been there twice.

Grandmother: Yeah, she did. She went up to New York for your graduation.

Me: Well, Massachusetts is not New York. My school is an hour and a half west of Harvard.

Grandmother: I always thought Harvard was in Washington, D.C.

And all I could do was smile. Smile and take another bite out of the sliced watermelon that my grandmother so dutifully prepares for me. The K.O. smile that indicates that it's over and that no one will succeed, in either the understand or the explaining. I'll just have to live with the fact that my grandmother will never be able to say "Massachusetts" and let her believe that Amherst College is really in the Big Apple--a fact that my mom may already have been aware of.

The week is about to start anew, which means....another week of TOEFL and another week of combatting blank stares from young Korean adolescents.